Wednesday, June 22

Google Patent Nonsense, Plus Mixed Metaphor of the Week!

New Google Patent May Be Less News For Small News (Search Insider):
Google's never ending search for providing a quality end user experience has culminated into a bullet with patent number WO 2005/029368 imprinted across the side. Unfortunately for smaller news services, the bullet may strike the heart of aspiring upstarts-a casualty of Google's friendly fire. How will Google's new News patent affect the smaller news sites? Will it keep them out of Google News completely? If so, what other sources do these authors have that will display their work? Discuss at WebProWorld. Of course, it will all depend on how heavily certain things are weighed in the news algorithm technology Google has just sealed in the patent offices of the US and other countries. News giants like CNN and the New York Times will barely notice the decrease of air pressure in the blogosphere, and probably won't mourn the impending loss of younger cousins vying for their thrones. The patent is aimed at increasing the quality of news delivered into search results, a noble effort to weed out inaccurate, biased, and disreputable sources. Until the implementation of the new algorithm, news is ranked according to relevance to the search word query and by the date (or timeliness) of the article. The source is not considered. The new technology will take several new things into account, continually measuring qualitative factors like how long the news source has been in existence, the number of stories published, the credibility of the source, average story length, number of stories with bylines, the size of the organization's staff, circulation, number of global operations, number of links to stories from the source, and Web traffic to the site.

"Culminated into a bullet"? With "a number imprinted across the side"? In every spaghetti Western I've ever seen, the bullet with Chincho the Bandit's name on it always has the writing running along the length of the bullet.

Is my Brazilian wife secretly moonlighting as a tech journalist now? Will the English-language news of the future be written by Carmen Miranda or in the bawdy English of hookers from Tijuana, whose Spanish as they mock you afterwards could not be more eloquently Cervantine?

Actually, this by staff writer Jason L. Miller--who looks to be a red-blooded American boy who sported a mullet in high school to hide the fact that his HEAD culminates into a bullet. Hire a freaking copy editor, people! This is an important story, but I just can't take you seriously if you don't take language seriously. Of course, try selling that proposition to a publisher groomed his whole career in ad sales--a frequent occurrence in the language-and-union-print-shop racket, where the Teamsters rub elbows with those of us who've read Titus Andronicus.

There's nothing that makes my teeth ache like someone was poking a red-hot needle into my root canal than (1) high-school-remedial-English-bad prose in the editorial, (2) TOEFL-bad-prose in marketing materials that appear on the same PAGE as my decent editorial, and (3) whining copywriters and journalists so in love with their own spoonerist bombast that they want to conference with you endlessly, on deadline, about the adjectival phrase you blue-penciled out of their immortal freaking prose. Take a night class, you freaks!


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10/26/2005 11:22:00 am  
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