Sunday, January 23

Optimist: An Accordion Player with a Beeper

Johnny Carson is dead. The dude was funny and smart. Some zingers--probably written by staff writers, but the dry, nasal delivery counts for a lot:

Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place. Democracy means that anyone can grow up to be president, and anyone who doesn't grow up can be vice president. For days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow, but phone calls taper off. I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself. I know you've been married to the same woman for 69 years. That is marvelous. It must be very inexpensive. I was so naive as a kid I used to sneak behind the barn and do nothing. If it weren't for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we'd still be eating frozen radio dinners. If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead. If variety is the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam. New York is an exciting town where something is happening all the time, most unsolved. The only thing money gives you is the freedom of not worrying about money. When turkeys mate they think of swans. Never continue in a job you don't enjoy. If you're happy in what you're doing, you'll like yourself, you'll have inner peace. And if you have that, along with physical health, you will have had more success than you could possibly have imagined.

Hi-yo! And read James Wolcott's admiring tribute. Ou sont les neiges dantan?


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10/25/2005 01:21:00 pm  

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